We were an unlikely duo from the start. She walks into a room and commands all the attention with her confident stride; I shyly walk into a room and quickly make a beeline for the most inconspicuous seat. She is tall and beautiful and turns every head; I am average and unimpressive and easily disappear in a crowd. She is smart, savvy, and climbing her way up the corporate ladder; I’m a stay at home mom with four kids trying to climb my way out of the piles of laundry that are constantly accumulating. For whatever reason, her Enneagram 7 energy just clicks with all of my Enneagram 9-ness.
Grace strode into my life on a Wednesday evening several years ago. She was trying out a church community group that my family was a part of, and maybe it was that we were both from Oklahoma, or maybe I was just desperate for a friend in that season of life, but I did something highly out of character and invited her to grab coffee with me the next week. I ambushed her with a barrage of questions over lattes, and a friendship was quickly formed. For the past three years, Grace has been my soul sister, my best friend. We have been together through marital struggles, job loss, anxiety, health concerns, victories, overcoming fears, and accomplishments big and small. It has been wonderful, but it has not always been easy.
As the mother of three young girls (with two of them being teens), I hear about friendship drama almost daily. Feelings are hurt, mean words are spoken, and one day that friend is in, the next day they are out! Maybe it’s that cancel culture is thriving right now, or maybe it’s the popular idea that if something doesn’t serve us, we should not hesitate to cut it out immediately, but it seems that people today don’t value relationships the way that my grandmother’s generation did. And yes, I’m sure it’s nothing new for young girls to fight and fuss over silly things, but even in my own life I see how easily people fade in and out.
Maybe it’s that I’m getting older and I just crave stability in all things, but I think there’s something to be said for loyalty. I sat one of my girls down the other day who was dealing with friend struggles, and had an honest conversation about times that Grace had hurt my feelings, and times that I had upset her. Nobody in this world is perfect, and we will all inevitably mess up from time to time. And sometimes it is healthier to let a friendship crumble if the toxic energy is dragging you down. But I think it’s important to relay to our kids that relationships aren’t always fun and easy. They require work and dedication, and they challenge us to practice humility and empathy. Sure I could have closed the door the first time Grace did something that upset me, but I would have missed out on the opportunity to understand her in a deeper capacity, and the chance to expand my communication skills. And I would have missed out on morning walks around the lake, taco dinners, watching our kids grow up together, daily encouraging text messages, coffee dates, shopping trips, and countless heart to hearts…and isn’t all of that what makes life worth living.
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