What do you know?
What are you still learning?
Things I know
I had my first kid when I was 23 and then just kept having them, so I was a young mom and so frequently dominated by pregnancy brain that people probably just thought I was dumb and ditzy. I know now that when the preschool teachers assign you to bring the chicken nuggets for the party, they are all expecting you to just stop by Chick-fil-A and grab a tray of nuggets. They are NOT expecting you to go to the store, buy a big bag of dinosaur nuggets, cook them at your house and then bring them up to the school lukewarm and slightly soggy.
It is also a given that when you bring Valentines cards for your kid to hand out at school, there should be some kind of candy or fun surprise attached to the card. Though they will tell you that it’s perfectly fine that you just dropped off a bag of sad, little cards, they are just being nice, and every other mom has created a butterfly out of a lollipop or attached a glowstick to a colorful piece of paper saying “You Light Me Up”, and you have now been pegged the clueless mom.
I also know now that even though the teachers and other moms may think you’re a little off, your kid will think you’re a shining star because you blast inappropriate songs in the car line and let them eat candy even though it’s only 8:30am. And being number one in their eyes is way better than getting a stamp of approval by some middle-aged women you’ll never see again after this year. However, I would like to apologize for my lack of knowledge on homeroom mom duties. I was clearly not the right choice ladies.
I know that preschoolers turn into teenagers in what seems like the blink of an eye, and you’re probably still a shining star in their eyes, but they’d never let you know it. They sleep all the time and try to avoid you, but really they’re desperate for you to tell them that everything will be ok and that you’re proud of them. And it’s hard to do sometimes because you’re trying to give them space and not be an overbearing parent and the whole thing is just kind of tricky. But the truth is that they are scared and feeling the pressures of life and they need your support and encouragement more than ever.
Through the years I’ve learned that some relationships are worth fighting for. People will hurt you in life. You can’t avoid that. But forgiveness can be healing and life giving. There’s nothing better than having an inside joke with a friend. Nothing sweeter than having a shoulder to lay your head on when you’re having a bad day. Nothing beats getting a text from a friend with a song they just knew you’d love. Sometimes growth in a relationship comes after you’ve weathered a storm together, and what a joy to hold their hand as you look back over what you’ve made it through and think, “Wow we could have missed this.”
I haven’t always known this, but it’s something that I’ve come to learn recently. My feelings matter. I’m quick to shove stuff under the rug, pretend like everything is fine. I’m beginning to see that it’s ok to allow myself to feel things. It’s even healthy to acknowledge the vast array of feelings that we may feel on any given day.
Things I’m Still Learning
I may have been married for 18 years, but I’m still learning how to communicate effectively. Counseling has been extremely insightful and helpful in this area, but I’m not entirely sure it’s something I’ll ever perfect. Understanding behaviors and unmet needs and how I typically respond when a conflict arises are all helpful in getting to a place of healthier communication though. Moving towards growth and having the tools in my back pocket to grab for whenever needed is enough for now. I’ll just keep learning how to hone this skill of communication.
I’m still learning how to put self-tanner evenly on my blindingly white body. It never fails that I think I’ve nailed it, only to get outside and see how ridiculous and splotchy my legs look. I need my own personal glam squad who could spray me tan every time I need to go out. That will never happen, so I guess I’ll continue to search for the best methods out there to cover the purple veins that are streaking all down my freakishly white thighs.
I have yet to master the art of planning my day. It doesn’t matter how cute the planner is or how elaborate the calendar, I forget to write in it and waste hours of my day. I’m not even entirely sure what the time is spent doing, but the day will draw to a close and I’ll be wondering how I managed to get nothing done that I needed to. The good news is that you can always try again the next day!
I am still learning how to bake a cake in a Bundt pan. It doesn’t matter if I grease the pan, or grease AND flour the pan, the cake inevitably sticks to the bottom, and I end up with piles of cake heaped on top of each other. That’s why I’ve decided to buy a new Bundt cake pan. It could be user error, but it’s probably just the pan. Surely.
I’m still learning how to age gracefully. I feel like a 25-year-old trapped in a 40-year old’s body. Maybe that’s normal. I’m not sure how a 40-year-old is supposed to dress, but I think it’s probably not in cut off jean shorts and crop tops. So sue me for dressing comfortably. The dark rings under my eyes continue to get worse, but the idea of fillers and Botox injections is terrifying and I don’t really want to inject stuff in my face. I’m still breaking out like I’m 21 but now I just have wrinkles and sad looking eyes to go with it. I thought your 40’s were supposed to be the decade you stopped caring about stuff like that. Why am I loading up my Amazon cart with overpriced serums and creams?!
I’m still trying to figure out how to make friends. Some people can walk into a room and immediately find someone to talk to. I walk into a room and immediately clam up. I want to tell everyone, “Hey I’m really nice. I know my eyes look sad and I have splotchy legs, but I’m actually really fun.” But instead, I end up sitting alone trying to look busy and pretending I don’t care that I’m all alone. It would be nice to make friends easily, but I suppose I’m still learning how be confident in who I am, and that’s ok.
I’m still learning how to keep plants alive. I’ve got four kids, and I’ve managed to keep them alive. But the plants are another story. Maybe this will be my year.
I’m still trying to figure out how to get my kids to eat real food. I suppose it’s my fault. Maybe it was the dinosaur chicken nuggets as preschoolers. Half of my kids are afraid of colorful foods. They’ll eat all the bread you could serve them up but throw an orange on their plate and you’d think the world was ending. You’re probably thinking, “Oh they’ll grow out of it”. They are 14 and 9, so I’m starting to wonder…
Isn’t it kind of wonderful that life is a journey and that there’s so much to learn along the way? We pass on the wisdom we’ve gained, and look for others to impart their wisdom on us as we journey on.
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